How to Create a Guest List for Your DC and Baltimore Micro Wedding
“How should we create our guest list for our micro wedding?”
This is one of the most popular questions we receive at the very beginning of the wedding planning process. We spoke to wedding etiquette expert, Christina Peterson, of Registry Finder (and her Instagram @askarealbride) to talk through best practices for confidently putting together a guest list that compliments your budget and avoids hurt feelings for your DC and Baltimore tiny wedding celebration.
Wedding Etiquette for Big and Small, Intimate Weddings
Let’s define what “etiquette” actually means - Peterson likes Emily Post’s definition of the word best, which describes etiquette as the consideration of others’ feelings from a place of graciousness and kindness. In the world of weddings, both big and small, this translates to thoughtfully making decisions with your guests in mind.
Now one might ask, how can we follow traditional wedding etiquette when the entire idea of a micro wedding is non-traditional? Etiquette doesn’t just apply to traditional weddings - it just means that you’re making decisions for your wedding as a gracious and kind family member or friend to your guests. You can have a small, intimate wedding and still ensure the planning process, specifically the guest list selection, is thoughtfully decided on.
So, What is the rule of thumb for a wedding guest list? Let’s dive in.
the differences between a large and small-scale wedding…
How to put together your wedding guest list — based on wedding size from tiny, micro weddings to large weddings here in DC and Baltimore.
Typically couples who are planning a large, traditional wedding have financial assistance from their parents. Because of this, the couple is oftentimes at the mercy of whoever is contributing financially when it comes to wedding planning decisions such as who is invited. When planning a tiny wedding that’s mostly funded by the couple, they have more freedom to make decisions about the guest list. While it is kind and gracious to involve your parents in coming up with the guest list, you don’t necessarily have to do so.
Rules to Help You Create Your Wedding Guest List
What is the average guest list for a wedding? It depends.
When planning your DC or Baltimore micro wedding, most family and friends are more understanding when it comes to the invite list. Peterson recommends coming up with a set of rules by breaking down the invite list into generational tiers. You’ll start with grandparents followed by parents and their siblings. If you’re unable to invite ALL of your parents’ siblings, you’ll create a rule. Perhaps it’s only aunts and uncles that live locally. But since you’re not inviting them all, you wouldn’t move down to the next tier which would be first cousins, second cousins etc.
If you can invite all aunts and uncles, you’d then move down to cousins. If you aren’t able to invite ALL of your cousins, you’d create another rule. Maybe you only invite cousins who are over 18 or ones you’re particularly close to.
When it comes to family members, setting rules is extremely important because everyone most likely knows one another. If one of your aunts attends the wedding and sees that her sister’s children were invited but not hers, that may be awkward or uncomfortable for both of you.
Oftentimes parents see the guest list as needing to be “fair” but Peterson reminds us that it needs to be equitable.
For example, if your mom has 5 sisters but your partner’s mom only has 2, the parent with fewer siblings may feel the need to “even the score” by inviting their friends or co-workers. Your parent may need a gentle reminder that the wedding is about who is there to support them, not about the number.
So what happens when you ultimately have to have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents about the Wedding guest list?
Peterson recommends that the child of the parent have the conversation solo. It’s a great way to practice boundary setting with in-laws for when future conflicts arise. It says “We’re on the same team and I respect my partner” without forcing your partner into an uncomfortable situation.
When it comes to inviting friends, the rules are a little more relaxed since not everyone knows one another. Peterson does recommend being transparent when inviting, say, some coworkers but not others. “Let the coworkers who are invited know to keep wedding talk to a minimum at work to not hurt others’ feelings.” You can also have hard and fast rules that make it easier to keep the guest list manageable - maybe only folks who are engaged or married receive a plus one or maybe you stick to childhood friends only.
Peterson does recommend that those who are traveling to the wedding from out of state receive a plus one as a way to say “thank you” for making the trip.
It’s your wedding day! we want you to feel comfortable.
At the end of the day, your DC or Baltimore micro wedding day guest list should be a culmination of people who make you feel safe and loved. There is no room for discomfort on a day that should be all about your love for one another and the joining of two communities. We recommend making guest list decisions that make you feel comfortable and excited about the celebration, and we hope these tips will help you feel confident about these decisions!
The Tiny Wedding Collective is a Washington DC-based all-inclusive elopement and intimate wedding planning service for DC and Baltimore, Maryland. A Tiny Wedding is for couples who want to celebrate their commitment in a thoughtful, stylish way but don’t want the stress and fanfare of a big, expensive wedding. Not all couples fit inside the same traditional box and it’s time that we make space for inclusivity, diversity, and creativity. To find out more about what it’s like to work with us, please fill out our contact form here.